Just a passing thought...
Aren't we all like living on borrowed time, experiencing the life we can have on earth?
As the seconds trickle by, I wonder about how grim it looks.
There was a time when I was young that I was so afraid of dying.
There was a time when I was more grown up and didn't feel anything of death.
And now, I feel like death is such a scary thing.

Will I be able to withstand its cold embrace as the last bits of my life flash before me before I die.
The very thought of darkness surrounding me totally, without any thought, without any knowledge of being myself anymore. Not knowing what is happening, not being able to wake up the next day just like how I wake up from sleep. I won't be able to see the light of day again. I won't even know I exist. This brain, these thoughts of mine will be gone, forever.


In truth, I'm still afraid.
Maybe some people feel its such a morbid thing to think about death at all, some may even feel that its like a taboo subject, but..
Its something that slowly crawls and captures you isn't it?
Even when we were just born, we are just beings living on borrowed time.
We all have to return that time 1 day. It doesn't belong to us at all.

The thought of heaven has never crossed my mind. It just seems ridiculous to me that I would die, and wake up in a place that seems like its from my dreams?
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Anyway, the common tests are coming soon.
Really.. I find it so meaningless now.
Maybe as I grow older, grades don't start to matter to me anymore, being good in everything I can isn't something I prioritise, and making my parents proud was never my goal.

An answer that has lain within my heart for so long....

I want to live my own life, my own way.