Sometimes i wonder...
What am I really aiming to do in life?
Pass through life as an average joe, making a mark on earth.
What do I really want?
My GPA of 3.0 has made me understand, the future just looks bleak no matter how I look at it.
Even if I get 3.9 this semester, whats to say I won't get owned in the following semester, and result in the drop of my GPA? I feel so tight, suffocated in this world. I'm not sure, but.. I just want to live in this world doing things I feel like doing. But another thing comes to mind.

What do I actually feel like doing? Slacking at home, going out with friends and just doing rubbish comes to mind. But its only temporary. I'm feeling so empty inside. Doing absolutely nothing. I'm not sure why I'm studying for, just to earn money and survive in this world just doesn't cut it for me anymore. Maybe I was trying to convince myself from the very start. I don't know what I want. Its not to say I regret coming to poly though, I know I'll have died in JC. Coming to poly has made me know so many people from many walks of life, from the east to the west, from the north and the south. There are many people who are just hi-bye "friends", people who I just don't click with, people who are kinda screwed up, but I'm sure many people who have reached our age.. Are just screwed up in some way or another anyway, just more or less only.

Then the meaning of life just drifts into my mind. Why am I living? What am I living for? For my parents? Then what did they live for? I think they would say.. after getting married, their mission in life was to just bring me up as best as they could, giving me as much love and care they can, fulfilling as much materialistic wants of mine as possible to make me happy, and to make sure, I'm able to take care of myself, and survive in this world. Maybe I'll finally get such a meaning in life, a goal in life after I have my own family to take care of.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever even get married? Ahaha, sure I love kids. I love them a lot. I'll want my own. I wonder who is that person for me. Who'll bring up a family with me, who'll stay with me for the rest of my life, who'll bear children for me, who'll make my whole life worthwhile.
I really look forward to meeting that person, whoever it may be, whenever it may be.

I'll continue to contemplate such thoughts, slowly drifting into sleep as I lie on my bed.

The only sanctuary and place of solace I can be in.